Saturday, December 30, 2006

The meaning of it all

I had the strangest dreams yesterday night. I dreamt I was pregnant. I even fussed about not having taken any folate beforehand. But I wasn't worried or even scared. It felt like something I already knew about.

And -
in fact, I did. I dreamt the same thing about a week ago.

What amazes me, though, is that this simply cannot be. And if, by chance, it is, the baby is David Copperfield. Or Harry Potter. Or both.

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posted by Nadezhda | 22:42 | 12 comments | links to this post

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy holidays


To every reader of this blog I wish merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Lots of muffins and quality time with your family. May this time of celebration be special in every way.

And above all - I wish you some quiet time for reflecting about the past year.

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posted by Nadezhda | 12:19 | 9 comments | links to this post

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Improvement(s)

20th Dec

My dearest readers - welcome to a new era of evolution. I decided that not posting on the blog isn't so cool anymore and that beginning to write more often (even before following the new year's resolutions would be in order) would be great. So - I'm back. (Is that a hooray I hear in the distance? :)

As most of you have probably figured out - it was medical school that kept me from the computer and behind my desk for so long that now my back actually hurts when I stand up straight. But the crouched look plus myopia is the new sexy, so I'm not too desperate. (Actually, I'm hopeful.)

First there was the phase of being overwhelmed with the amount of work, then that morphed into a phase of continualy being behind schedule and having to reschedule things (not that it helped me in getting back on track), then added to that we had a serious lack of sleep (for a month or so I barely managed to scrap 5 hours per night and that's not so much when you have to pay attention and be 100% focused throughout your day - or else you might find yourself dozing off while taking your patient's blood pressure or missing that one extra word in your test that says to underline all the WRONG answers). And then the final phase of exhaustion came, a stupor-like time, when I was so fed up with everything that I wasted days doing hardly anything. On top of that came several bad (or at least not good) test results - and I deny any connection between slacking off and poor marks! - so, I'm glad it's finally over.

OK, theoretically, not quite over yet. I have another quiz to write in January (plus LOADS, literally! of catching up to do - mainly writing case reports) and as I'm writing this I should already have started learning for an exam I'm taking in February. But - will start studying as soon as am done typing, so that's quite as good.

23rd Dec

As I was typing the above, I recieved an unexpected phone call from a colleague - I was needed elsewhere in an hour. Consequently I spent a total of 2 hours at home on Wednesday and Thursday. I have not read the newspapers, I was clueless even about the going-ons in Harry Potter world. (BIG news, by the way.) - Thanks, Raven, for pointing it out - otherwise I might have had an infarction when I routinely checked Mugglenet today.

So, you see, it's not only my laziness that has kept you from the privilege of reading my posts these two months.

Anyways - I still owe you an explanation - the one to do with a recent post. When I posted it, I was feeling empty and alone and overworked and I remembered the sad dealings with my (used to be) best friend. On top of doing rather poorly (worse than I was hoping I would) at University I also realized that our friendship was irreparably, finally over and that there's nothing that should be done about it. We've been growing distant for several years now, but it actually took me this long to admit to myself that the last time my friend confided in me was two and a half years ago. It's also been two years since we went anywhere on our own. She hasn't come to watch me dance or anything in six years. The last time I told her something very personal was a year ago. However, at that time I failed to induce her to confide in me as well. In the last six months I've seen her about six times. Taking into account the fact, that we live not further than 100 metres apart and would be hard put not to meet, that's very little contact. Every time I've seen her was on a bus when she did mention that we haven't heard from each other in ages, but then she was never actually tempted to call.

The last time I heard from her was quite a while ago, when she invited me to a concert of hers, probably thinking I had unlimited leisure time, dedicated only to her and was only waiting for her phone call. However, I decided a couple of months back that I had exerted every possible method and motive and that I will be trying no more. So I arranged other meetings. I'm not sorry not to be going to this concert, which can only be a further proof of the final stage this "friendship" is in. To add insult to injury she actually dared scold me for not calling her, but quickly changed the subject when I sheepishly mentioned that she wasn't a regular caller, either. (In fact, she forgot about my birthday last year - no card, no phone call, no text message, no nothing - and I can't remember whether she did so this year as well.) But after all, what more did I expect from a person who completely disappears for three months during to Summer, never bothering to give you a call or text you. And then she's telling me about not calling her? Ph-seesh.

Getting to the point - it's been a long time since we honestly talked to each other and now every chance of getting it back together is no longer in existence. It took me a while to figure it out and come to terms with it, but now I have and can understand some of my past actions more completely. (But before that could happen, I was pretty depressed for a couple of days.)

***

On top of being very busy these past weeks, I also donated blood (again) today and hope that I have thus enabled someone a happier Christmas.

And - not to forget my readers - what have you been doing all this while? I'd be happy to hear from you all! (Even a certain someone, whose e-mail I still haven't replied to, because I honestly don't know what to write in reply.)

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posted by Nadezhda | 12:20 | 14 comments | links to this post

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Is this the time?

posted by Nadezhda | 10:24 | 8 comments | links to this post