Dearest readers, I have been neglecting you and I apologize. It was not deliberately done, merely an unhappy consequence of having been in lots of pain and having spent an inordinate amount of time driving in a car in the last week.
Presently I have:
1. sore muscles (having spent three hours per day dancing in the last week and that under the gaze of an Italian maitre d'ballet whose only occupation seemed to be correcting the tiniest of mistakes the most talented of dancers - with the bodies I will never ever have - who, if truth be told, were so above average that he needn't have bothered anyway. But rest assured that he DID in fact bother and consequently he gave me a total of two corrections in the whole week. You can imagine that I nearly fainted with pleasure when the said person finally noticed there were other people in his class, too).
2. freshly painted nails (metallic pink!),
3. much catching up to do on the blog,
4. an essay to write about Iris Murdoch,
5. lots of Google searching to do for my research project (the mentor I contacted seemed interested and I'm calling her tomorrow to set a date for our meeting in-person and a more thorough discussion of my plan),
6. a year more than I had a month ago,
7. a pre-paid one-day trip to Venice (to attend with boyfriend),
8. a huge sunflower,
9. a one-week holiday in London to plan for September,
10. an almost empty bank account,
11. NO headache (which is an important achievement seeing as yesterday was the day I realized people complaining of severe headaches were in fact not hypochondriachs, but people who pretend everything is OK and even try to laugh only to find that their headache hasn't abated yet - not having been someone who had trouble with headaches previously, I can only say that it is horrible - to the point where I was seriously contemplating seeing a doctor today if the headache persisted. Occasional headaches were frequent companions of mine for the last month and I realized they occurred when I was too hot and drank too little water; yesterday, however, the headache just wouldn't go away in spite of having drunk an indecent amount of water),
12. a newfound liking for Kiera Knightley's acting abilities (see a forthcoming post about Pride and Prejudice, the film),
13. a newfound respect for the makers of film sequels (Superman returns is plainly too good to be made just for money's sake),
14. a well-paying job that I like doing,
15. a wonderful boyfriend whom I love more deeply and completely than I ever thought I'd love a man,
16. new running attire (3/4 length trousers and two new T-shirts) and
17. still NO new shoes (they sold out the entire stock on the first day of the sales by 16.30 and even if they haven't - they discounted that model for only 8 euros - I bought 2 new lipsticks instead).
I don't have:
1. youth (not trying to be overly nostalgic or depressed, but when I was 15 I imagined that by the time I turn 24 I'll have my own car, a job, a steady relationship - which is the only thing I do have - and if at all possible, my own place to live). Sadly, sans boyfriend, I feel none of these goals are anywhere near the horizon for me. (Maybe, just maybe I should be glad to have boyfriend and forget about what I don't have?) Anyway, when I was younger I thought being twenty-something is really IT, you're really an adult and responsible, you're on your own, successful and all that. As for me, I don't think things have changed much since I was 18. I'm still shy and introverted, which leads people into believing I'm self-conscious; I'm still unsure of myself, I'm still doubting my abilities and still fear driving and dying young. I still fear my beloved ones would die or suffer, and while I know I can hardly do anything to prevent this, it remains one of biggest fears.
2. enough time,
3. the inspiration and time to write the "novel" I've been planning for four year but never wrote beyond the introductory few paragraphs,
4. enough courage to do everything I want to,
5. much suntan, but I never wanted it, so that's all right.