Randomramblings

Pain is a friend of mine I never actually told you about. Pain and I get along well. She's sure to drop by at least once a month to confirm that yes, I'm still fertile (and if luck's on my side it'll still be that way once I've completed all the 12 years of my medical education and maybe decide it'd be nice to have offspring). But there are unforeseen visits as well. This past week was busy for Pain, as she had to drop by several times. But she did it because she likes me.

On Monday I went running. In February and March I didn't run at all as I could hardly find the time. I also started ballet classes as well and did not want running to interrupt that process too much. In April and May I ran at best two times a week, so I'm still not in my top form. But on the said Monday I did run and as Luck was on my side, I stepped forcefully on a small, irregularly shaped stone and hurt the part of my foot just before the heel. It was difficult to walk on Monday evening and on Tuesday, but I managed. On Wednesday, I must have exaggerated (though I ran the usual distance in the usual time), because I seem to have pulled a hamstring muscle. Ballet on Friday was - painful. I could hardly life my right leg above 90° and if you're used to your leg going up to 120° or even more, then constantly experiencing pain, it becomes frustrating. I tried to spare the leg, so I didn't lift it high and it helped a bit.

What hurt most about the Friday ballet class was the teacher. There's a center combination where we do a couple of petit allegro jumps and then twItalianan style fouettes. I can do the fouettes to the left well, but to the right the transition between the leg lift and the turn seems to be more difficult. I'm not quite sure why, but we all have our better leg/side, so it's not very unusual. However, the teacher said that I shouldn't do the combination because it was too difficult for me. Instead of at least showing me, what I was doing wrong or giving me some tips, she just said I shouldn't do it. Why doesn't she ever say that to people who come to our class who are complete beginners, who have no clue about turn-out, positions, steps etc. She never, never says they shouldn't do something, but she accepts that they might not do it perfectly the first time. She offers endless suggestions and she corrects them often. Basically, she gives corrections to them after every exercise. She gives a single, if any correction to me. I am perfectly aware that I'm still not anywhere near what I was before I stopped. But my body's responding to classes, my muscles are already more pliable, the extension's higher, I have more control over the body.

The teacher even asked me last time how many classes of ballet school I completed and was surprized when I told her that I never went to the school, but only took private classes. It was a small compliment to me. But then she said, that I needn't bother with battu, if I never went to the school. Oh, pur-lease, now you won't teach me battu, because I never went to a proper ballet school? This Friday, she corrected my ports de bras and said, I'd forgotten you didn't go to the ballet school as if that was an excuse for my poor port de bras.

I wish she corrected me more, I wish she treated me as worthy of her attention, I wish she demanded more of me, I wish she thought it worthwhile to teach me a new step or combination. Physical Pain is something I can befriend and endure. Emotional Pain hurts more than any pulled muscle or a painful blister.