The weakest link
I'm probably the worst girl to be admired. In my life a few men have fancied me and having more than five senses myself I knew that - even before they openly acknowledged it to me. But their bad fortune lay in the fact that I (despite having told them that I have no feelings for them whatsoever) encouraged our friendship. I really liked them as friends. Not as anything more. I know myself quite well and I knew that our hypothetical relationships would be doomed to failure from moment one. There are people you can be good friends with but can never hope to form a fully functional relationship.
Obviously I failed to get my message across clearly enough, as the said young men remained hopeful that given enough time, I will change my mind. Naturally, they were mistaken. But in the course of their affections I received some short messages on my mobile.
I started reading For Whom the Bells Toll by Hemingway today and I remembered that once when one of the aforementioned young men sent me an SMS, he didn't forget to remind me that he was reading the said book and was just where the two main characters get romantically involved. To think that of all moments, he was precisely there when I sent my SMS! God must be extremely good with him to bestow upon him such an unusual coincidence.
So when I opened the book today my first thought was this event - and I chuckled. My second thought was that I still have to write a seminar on olfactory system. I closed the book and set to work.
6 Comments:
Yeah, why would one admire you?
For all the lust for life (and chocolate; oh, it's connected!) you seemingly posses? (But an honest guy really doesn't mind if Terry Prachet says, "that inside a fat girl is a thin girl and a lot of chocolate," for there really is a thin and "beautiful" thing in every girl.)
And don't you worry, an intelligent guy tries to not let himself go mad with such admiration. I think he can control himself. And if and when it feels too inappropriate for you, you can always say so. I believe you won't hurt him too much.
As for the unintelligent, be gentle.
"One word from you will silence me forever." -- Mr. Darcy
bo said:
> One word from you will silence me forever.
Splendid. Nadezhda for the love of all that is decent, say it, say the bloody word!
When faced with a situation like that, and if I'm 100% positive I never want anything romantic from such men, I run like hell. But usually it's the kind of situation where every tiny kindness will be interpreted as reciprocation (?) of feelings, so I find it best not to give any hope and wait for the so-called "love" to pass.
Bo - I'm fully aware why some men find me attractive. That they seem unable to understand that I cannot feel the same for them, is what puzzles me. Surely, in a relationship where the other party doesn't love you back you realize the absurdity of the situation after some time. I could not persuade myself to be with anyone I did not love to bits.
It is, I suppose that I hoped men are more like Mr. Darcy, when in reality they're not. I said, not only once, but the guy I mentioned in my post did not cool off until almost 1.5 years later when I've already been in a relationship with another man for several months.
Anonymous - your comment made me double over with laughter! Witty, indeed! But surely to any regular reader of my blog it would be no secret that I've been in a very happy, steady relationship for the last 4 years and that by no means am I planning on giving up this happiness I found in my boyfriend. This should suiffice and it's more than one word. ;)
P.S. Anonymous - I'm not really into polygamy and the man in question is far too easy-going with his praise for almost any woman for this flattery to have any effect on me.
Lilit - I know in retrospective I should have been more harsh, but at the time my reasoning was that any sort of rejection is difficult to accept so I shouldn't be very nasty towards him at the same time as delivering my "no". I did learn that male brains have a certain tendency, an almost unnatural ability to hope and that a single phone call would seem to them an almost reassurance of my hand. However, I did not give the guy ANY hope, I frequently repeated that we can never hope to be more than friends and even after I got involved with my present boyfriend this guy did not quite cease to hope.
This male mentality is very far from my viewpoint. Surely, you're devastated that someone you admire doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but a bit of reasoning shouldn't hurt at this point. If one's not in the relationship wholeheartedly, then this affects the dynamics of the relationship and in the longer run renders the other party miserable, because they find that nothing they do can make their partner love them. Such a discovery is (I'd venture to say) even more devastating than the initial "no, I don't feel anything for you." However when one of my friends told me he suggested the guy from the post to start to hate me, I must admit I was a little shocked. I did understand that he wasn't going to be very keen on me once it hit him that I'm realy, really not going to get involved with him. But outright hate?
Nowadays he doesn't call, nothing. He hasn't contacted me in 2 years. Like he fears I might decapitate him if he ever calls.
Yeah, that's exactly what I thought, Tess. I really, honestly wanted to be JUST friends. Without any subtle clues and giving any hope that some months along the line I will realize how nice he really is any just fall in love with him. He's a nice guy, but there are issues with him that just bother me too much and I could never ever live in harmony with him. For my and his sake it was better that we never got involved.
I agree about the friendship part, though I have a sneaking suspicion that many men wanted to be friends with me because they hoped it would grow into something bigger. It's their loss that nowadays they don't care about me. We could be great friends.
As far as your blog goes, I check for updates very regularly, so I hope I won't miss any of your responses (to my comments).
No, Tess. In Slovenia, when a holiday falls on a Sunday or a Saturday, it's just the citizens' loss, because Monday is a normal working day.
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