Randomramblings

I've been invited to a sort of a party. Tomorrow I'm going to spend the evening with my boyfriend and his colleagues from work (and their girlfriends). The way they entitled this event (a cocktail party) gives me a vague idea of how it might look like. They're going to order a round of cocktails (and - I imagine - won't just stop there) and try to get as drunk as they dare to in the presence of their girlfriends. My own boyfriend has declared he isn't going to drink much, if he's going to drink anything at all. I'm unsure whether he's doing this only out of loyalty to me, the non-drinker, non-smoker. And would he behave differently were I not present?

The evening will include plenty of opportunities to fill me in on the latest technological advances in computer science. All the new gadgets, new technologies and approaches to work. All the problems they've had trying to compile (the code??) recently, all (or at least too many for me to keep count) the bugs they've managed to fix and as many possible strategies as they can think of to solve the new problem they've just noticed. Seems a busy evening. An eventful one. Loads of interesting things to discuss.

What I really admire in these people is the amount of time they can spend talking about computers, gadgets, writing the code and their jobs. Basically the things they've already discussed at job. One can never go amiss if one tries talking to them about their job - and most likely the (true) geeks (or whatever other name flatters them) are even going to feel it was a rewarding conversation. But I'm not going to give them that satisfaction. I'm not going to let them know I've sunk to that level. I have other things (I would much rather talk about) on my mind.

...which perhaps gives you the idea that my hopes of joining in on the discussion are as low as one can set them. They're pointing to the "mute at all times" area. I think I'll actually be rather flattered if anyone apart from my boyfriend notices me.

I have an appointment at the hairdresser's tomorrow (I could say it is an unlucky coincidence were it not meticulously planned) and have already decided on wearing full make up and a rather flattering (at least the most flattering there can be considering the owner's widths, shapes and sizes) pair of trousers and a lovely (in my opinion - which can be relied on only at the best of times) pullover. But I seriously doubt these steps (taken as a part of careful planning of the event) will earn me much attention or at least get me noticed. It is a truth universally acknowledged that those who seek attention (or are begging for it as I rather think will be my case) are rarely given any and are usually dismissed as show-offs. And nobody ever talks to show-offs, myself included.

I've actually seriously considered taking a book with me and hoping (as no one will pay any attention) nobody will mind my reading it. But I suppose even if I took a book with me I'd never have the guts to actually read it. I might as well try to listen to a favourite podcast of mine, Mugglecast, which might be easier to bring about unnoticed, but it would be difficult to suppress the giggles.

My best bet is to stoically bear tomorrow evening in hopes of a better future. And keep reminding myself I was the one who actually agreed to go to the party in the first place. And I should never again make the same mistake.

But - considering the fact that me and his work colleagues have about zero things in common and that I'm all too well aware of it and still going to the party - that says something. At least even if the evening is a total failure and an utterly boring event I can always say with the most erect posture I am capable of and the most self-assured voice: it was a brave attempt. And - that I did my best.