Cowardice
I passed the written part of one of my exams. And mind you, about half of my colleagues didn't, despite the fact that some were studying longer than I was.
But I knew that my knowledge wasn't very solid. I knew I didn't know everything. I knew I had skipped chapters. And when it came to the oral part of the exam I just froze. I was to meet the professor immediately and I knew my knowledge was somewhat lacking.
I selected a pad of paper with three questions. I could answer two. I didn't know what to say about the third. And then I gave up. For the second time this year I chose not to answer and thus failed an exam. I didn't even try, because I'm a coward and because I'm the single stupidly noble person who will acknowledge she doesn't know everything rather than trying to fake it.
I am banging my head against the table and it's starting to hurt a little. Why, oh why did I do such a stupid thing? Why did I give up on myself?
Labels: medicine
4 Comments:
You are not the only one. I have some colleagues, who also wouldn't give it a try until they are 120% sure they know everything. Happened also to me. First time I got lucky, second I did not. :)
I think that you never can know everyhing, especially in medicine.
Don't give up. You will be a great doctor one day. :)
Krtek - thanks for your support! Maybe it's not much, but it does mean a lot to the recipient. Thanks again! :)
I realize I can't know everything, and 120% isn't my goal. The reason I'm angry is that it was an important exam, which I could have passed, had I been braver. My bravery is quite a problem at exam time. I just give in and I really shouldn't.
What do you mean by saying the second time you didn't get lucky?
You are welcome... :D
I meant, I didn't pass that exam - microbiology.
and sorry for being so late with reply - wasn't much online these days.
Don't worry about replying late. They say it's better late than never and I think it's true. :)
And besides - the holidays are to be enjoyed so I'm glad you got to get out.
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