Places of meditation
It feels odd, even silly to be without responsibilities today. My mind still struggles to come to terms with the concept of holidays. Somehow, and I fail to understand why (I thought it will be a relief!), it feels strange to be without a detailed to-do list, to fall short of achieving your daily agenda, to feel numbly reckless at one and paralysyingly scared at other times. I even watched the evening football match yesterday and I don't think I ever would were I not a bit confused at the moment, like someone who doesn't know his place.
Holidays have never surprized me in this manner. I don't have to go back to my desk and force myself to concentrate, force myself to be productive. These last few days have been very hard on me. I could not focus, my mind kept drifting away, I was reading as sluggishly as a boat drifts seemingly aimlessly downstream on Ljubljanica on a hot summer afternoon. It is hardest, I suppose, when you're at war with yourself. When you know doing something would be good for yourself, and you want to do it, but the body resists. Keeps un-focusing, keeps running away like a small, scared child whose trust you yet have to gain. I forced myself to read, to revise, to cram. I knew it was good for me, but it instilled in me a sense of unrest, a sense of obligation and guilt. I feel like I have not done my thing, like the show isn't over yet and there is more to be done. I feel restless, I want to be doing things, but now, for a change, the time has come to rest. How your body sometimes seems to live a life very detached from your own has always surprized me. There have been times when the body was longing for action, the mind for meditation.
I have thus dutifully written a to-do list, full of plans for the summer. There are articles I want to write, a mentor for my (possible, but not very likely) Prešeren's research paper to contact, blog entries to complete, lots of reading to get to, resuming running on a daily basis, chats with friends I've neglected because of exams...
But I haven't started either of these things. It is so hot, I'm constantly fighting away a mild dehydration induced headache. The pains has numbed me, has deprived me of a desire to do things. I am restless, - with a headache and a mind which wants nothing better than a rest. I sleep throughout the afternoon. It only gets cold enough to enable me to live in the evening. I breathe the humid and hot air with difficulty, which is something I never noticed when I was studying. My backside sticks to every surface I sit on. Or I am too hot in a longer pair of shorts. If there's one thing I do not cope well with, then it's moist hotness.
I'm trying to write a book-report for the blog (actually several reports), but the inspiration isn't there (here) yet, so bear with me a little longer. I should have it up in a day or two. I'm rereading The Hours and reading The Learning Brain and I hope to be able to post about them soon, too. I'm also planning on writing about Ljubljana's Summer Festival, since I'm going to attend quite a few performances. But until such happy time when my sweat-covered fingers won't adhere to the keyboard anymore, please, let's just keep our sweaty fingers crossed for some rain. Just a day. A day is all I need.
P.S. Please report and mistakes and erroers you might find in the new layout. I've already found some, but perhaps not everything. Don't be shy. :)
13 Comments:
"It feels odd, even silly to be without responsibilities today."
Same here. But the worst thing about it is that I spend my days exactly the same like I did during exams - surfing the net, reading stuff that have nothing to do with philosophy and hanging out. All is exactly the same, with a small exception - I don't have to worry about exams. Which is absolutely horrible. It is just like I suddenly found myself in a void of free time. Sounds strange, but I realy do miss the feeling of guilt telling me I should be doing something constructive.
I think I found a bug. I was unable to check comments when viewing a single post. There are no comments under the post and no link to them.
Thanks, anonymous, I already spotted that myself. I'm working on a complete list of bugs and hopefully we'll be able to fix that.
Aljoša - I know. I feel so useless. But on the other hand - I need to rest. This month was really hard on me, so I deserve a break - I just need to tell my brain it's all right to relax. :)
Three small problems (spotted in IE):
The third line under the title starts a bit more to the left than the first two lines.
All the W-s at the beginning of posts seem to be cut a bit on the left.
The line connecting the header and the body of the blog (and continuing above the header) seems to be randomly changing between dotted and solid.
I think old layout was a lot better. It had textured background which made the blog look very elegant and very diffirent from the others. The new one is in all-popular blue and orange, has small fonts (very bad) and although the design was custom made just for you, it is nothing special. If I were you, I would ask for my muffins back.
I prefered the old layout too... this one seems so pale.
However, it's your layout, so if it fits your personality... ;)
Despite the vomit green (or perhaps precisely because of that ;)) the old design had more warmth.
Since your posts are generally quite long, have you considered a wider design? I detest constant scrolling.
Thanks, Mitja. The w-s are a bit random, I guess. Some times they appear cropped and at other times they don't. I'm not sure why that happens, but I'll inform the designer. The line above the header was meant to be dotted. If I understand you correctly you're saying it sometimes turns into a solid line? I didn't see that myself, but as already said, I'll inform him.
Not that this layout fits my personality, but I like it, because it is simplistic and straightforward. It enables you to focus on content, not design. I dearly hope that no one is about to stop reading this blog because of the design changes. I hope you'll be coming back because of the (hopefully) quality content.
Owca - I like the design with narrower columns, because that way you can take in a whole line by one fixation of the eye. I personally, find reading texts which spread over the whole screen, difficult. I'll see whether we can do something about that - perhaps we can add a feature that widens the columns?
Lilit - I know the old design had more warmth, but I could hardly say this one seems pale. It has some lovely colours there and I think it's quite refreshing. However, to each her own. :) I think I might be changing the background colour from time to time, so not everything is very fixed.
Marko - thanks for your input! I disliked the old layout because it was used by dozens upon dozens of Blogger users. It was the design which I liked most among the existing Blogger templates, but I believe you remember a blog because the content is good and because the design is a bit out of the ordinary. I wanted a change so I would be distingiushed from others. :)
We might add texture to the background; some things need fixing, so the work on this blog is certainly not complete. I, too, liked the old design which looked like a piece of parchment, but the problematic part of it was that whatever additions you made, it looked less and less elegant. And believe you me that NEVER in my life did I demand from the designer to use a certain colour, because I thought it was popular. I let him do his thing and among the test versions he created I liked this one best. I like orange and blue and I've liked these two colours for ages. I would hate to give the impression that by choosing such a lyout I was trying to be fashionable. That was not in the least my intention.
As for the fonts, they're the same SIZE as the ones before were, although the font type is different and perhaps creates a more crowded - less easy to read appearance. No one had ever complained of the font size before (I used small and now I use normal because the font types are a bit different). However, you cannot change the size of the fonts with the new design. I'll ask the designer about that or we'll be considering a wider font type. I had no idea anyone had problems with reading smaller fonts on screen and I'm very glad you brought that up! Thank you.
I never wanted a Flash-enhanced, pop-up, wild-coloured "SPECIAL" design. I wanted something to distinguish me from other (Slovenian) bloggers. But if you have any suggestions on improving the design, layout, contents etc. I'd be most willing to hear you out. :)
Again, thanks a lot for your observations, although I could not possibly satisfy all of you. Wish you a lovely, lovely day. I myself am a new person after yesterday's rain! :)
A tiny bug: the title "Slovenian Personal Blogs" is repeated twice in your blogroll, the last one should probably read something else.
I detest flash and pop-ups at least as much as you do. Dušan certainly did a good job, but I'm probably spoiled by lively posts saying life is beautiful. Design is of no importance, only content is.
Ohhh, but you do agree that there are moments when life is pure beauty, don't you? :)
I enjoy scrolling in this bluish blog, it feels summer and already familiar to me, not awkward. I would keep the blue and praise the greenYellow-blue-orange title on the top, for it went straight into my memory. (I guess the author is familiar with some Anton Trstenjak and the psychology of colors. - Very manipulative, don't you think so. :)
I'm not sure he's familiar with Trstenjak, but his studies (something to do with design) come closely and they might have a subject at University on that, I'm not really sure.
I like the new design and I'm glad you like it, too, although the few bugs need to be fixed. :)
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