Randomramblings

When I get depressed, I try to see that as a remainder of my insignificance. No one would have really cared if I suddendly vanished, and the world would go on just fine without me.

But I care and I won't give up so easily.

Ola !

I think you should read the book Pot samouresničevanja (Janez Rugelj) if you want to really understand what is going on in your head. Maybe you don't like the author, but the content is really meaningful. And after you can publish a review (I want to know what does so smart girl thing about it).

Reader

I don't think there's really something you can do. You work hard all the time to feel better and prevent feeling this way and yet this is what you are, you can't erase it.
Maybe you should let yourself feel like this for a couple of days. Maybe it's your inner self telling you to slow down and rest a little bit.
Of course, this f* weather doesn't help much...

Spoil yourself and relax, and don't worry about feeling like this. It will pass.

Ah, depression is nothing but a reasonable reaction to this weather.
Besides the point: in Rome I saw the Two Fridas (that is the name of this painting, right?), and it's majesticly depressive. She must had had her share of bad weather allright

The thing is: I can't change a thing. And yet it bothers me to see two adults repeat the same pattern over and over again when they know full well that it doesn't work.

I should be doing something which takes lots of energy and concentration and having them argue about irrelevant things, having this wretched weather, being tired all the time, feeling like I'm losing grip on the matter at hand really does nothing to boost my self-esteem. I do know it's just a phase and my bouts of depression are fewer and spread further apart in the last years, but they still are there and at times like these when I should be really focused they are counter-productive.

Marko - I have my boyfriend who's very, very supportive, but the demon, if I may so call it, is in my head and only I can deal with it. I'm not giving up, just - this morning I felt really down and needed to get it out of my system. Sometimes writing about it helps and this time I was lucky.

Anonymous - I've been planning to read that book for a long time, but have not got to it yet. I'm interested in his technique and theory from an intellectual standpoint. I know my problems and I do understand what is going on, just sometimes it is more diffult to bear with it than at other times.

Lilit - thanks for that first paragraph, it really makes me feel like I'm not alone and somebody out there understands how it is. Thank you. It means a lot. The trouble is, I have got to do a lot in these couple of days and you might know that being this slow isn't what I would have wanted right now. I only wish it would pass sooner.

Aljoša - yes, I think that's the right title. Frida certainly had lots of bad weather in her life. I actually think she had a horrible storm every other day.

Sharing your problems says that I'm not alone in such a situation and in my experience this is the best way to heal someone. Not being alone when you feel down and desperate is the best cure. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I'm much better now, but whenever I'm not, I can go back and re-read this.

"The problem is that those moments don't let me remember how I dealth with it." This is very true - the problem of despair is that you don't believe you can handle it again, even though you did once or seveal times in the past.

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(I have problems with posting this comment. Let me repeat myself.)

Hey girl. Are you per chance the one who passed a whole medicine year in one sweep or are there two or more girls who are writing this blog?

But of course you are tired! Real studying is a big thingie, studying medicine only more so. - It's one of the four ground human studies, it didn't make the finals for no reason.

I would so estimate that you are saturated, your vapour'd hit the mark. Let it steam a bit.

The road gleefully waits for people like you.

(There, it works fine now. The comment before is the same, now erased: Commento eliminato / Questo post è stato eliminato dall'autore.)

Bye.

Thanks for your encouragement; I feel loads better now. I'm still busy, but I'll manage somehow. :)

P.S. So where in Italy are you?